I finally won something!

If not for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. But, as you can tell from the title of this post, I actually won something for once. No, I didn't win big in Vegas. I actually never gambled while I was out there. But I am the winner of Mistress Auri's Smack-alicious Spatch-tacular giveaway...

And what does one have to do to win this interesting sounding contest? You have to make the fabulous Auri snort iced tea out of her nose with an original story featuring a pink spatula. :) I don't think she'll mind that I'm reprinting my story here. Most of it's true...some of it's embellished...but I'll leave it to you to figure out which details fall into the fact and fiction categories.

It was hell week.

All over campus, people were finding new and inventive ways to embarrass, harass and abuse their pledges. Monday night was almost comedic, if it had not been so stressful. The bus down to frat row was full of terrified pledges, each dressed for their house's meeting and prominently displaying their pledge pin on their lapel. If you listened closely, each pledge was mumbling the words to their creed under their breath. Looking back, the scene was ridiculous. But in the moment, we were all bonded by the shared terror and desperation of not wanting to be "that pledge" who couldn't remember the words to the creed. No one wanted to know what fate would meet them if they flubbed the sacred words.

Friday night was the lock in. The last day of pledging, where we went from pledge to neophyte and FINALLY to sister. I missed the last damn game of the '96 world series for these people. That bit of bitterness carried over into all of the hell week activities. Who the hell are these bitches to haze me in a test of my fucking loyalty. I gave up my ticket to see the Yanks clinch the series! What more proof do you need?!?!

The pledge educator excitedly announced that skit night was beginning in 30 minutes and we would each have to star in at least 2 of the skits. I quickly scanned the list and proclaimed (first and loudest) that i would *not* be doing the fake orgasm scene from When Harry Met Sally. I considered it a small consolation that I ended up in the paddling scene from Animal House. Nothing could be more embarrassing than faking an orgasm in a room of 100 people - so I thought myself lucky.

So, I stood in the center of the stage and waited for my cue. The lines were simple. But my partner decided to go off script, tearing off my dress so I was standing before the entire house in nothing but my bra and panties. "On your knees bitch!" she screamed, forcing me down on my hands and knees. We were WAY off script now.

Then I caught a glimpse of her grabbing something off the table. "Face front, pledge!" I whipped my head around quickly doing as I was ordered.

"Do you wish to join the sisterhood?" she called in a loud voice.

"Um...I guess."

"YOU GUESS?" she roared. "YOU GUESS?? Pledge, you must be punished."

She finally slammed the wooden handle of the pink spatula against my ass. Damn that hurt. But i managed to choke out my line: "thank you sir. may i have another?"

Fucking pledging.

What a pain in the ass.