Seriously?

Let's start by saying that the height of laziness is ordering pizza online. But since I'm tired and it's snowing and my bastard neighbor parked in my parking spot forcing me to park half way down the street, I'm not venturing out for food. I don't care how lazy that makes me.

And I like tracking the progress of my order as it goes along. But what does concern me is Dominos' new quality assurance step. I don't want to know how they're double checking my pizza for extra deliciousness... But I certainly hope it doesn't involve anyone licking my damn pie before it goes out the door! Hmmm... probably better not to think about these things.

Anyway, grab a slice and crack open a beer or some wine. I'm going to vent a little about the train wreck that is MTV's "Jersey Shore." How many of you watched this mess? It's two hours of my life that I'll never get back.

The show was horrible and I just couldn't look away. (If you don't know the basic premise, 4 guys and 4 girls living and working together at the Jersey Shore.) The show's first problem is with the fact that they're basing this show in SEASIDE. Just about everyone here has been to Sleeze-side after their prom and hasn't been back since. Unless you have a hankering to get your ass kicked. Then just roll up into any bar in Seaside sporting a shirt with sleeves. It's an open invitation for a beat down.

But since this show wasn't meant to be real reality tv, I suppose we're supposed to let that slide. I mean, if you're watching this show, it's to see which of these morons makes the biggest ass out of themselves trying to get a piece of ass. And, I suppose to make fun of these morons playing out the worst stereotypes of New Jersey.


Gee... Don't they all look like total catches?

We've got the self-proclaimed biggest Guido in Rhode Island. I wonder exactly how many other Guidos there are in RI that he had to beat out in order to earn this distinction. He's a DJ with an overinflated sense of importance and overestimation of his ability to get into girls' pants... And you should see the amount of hair gel this guy packed in his bags. Literally 50 fucking tubes. Does he not think there are convenience stores in Jersey where he could pick up some more shellac for his hair?

Then there's the loud mouthed midget with a huge ass, enormous fake boobs and sky high bangs. Didn't she get the memo? Even in Jersey, that hair went out in the 80s! She dubbed herself "Snookie." What the hell's a snookie? I like that all the guys started calling her Snickers. And that the random guy she brought home from the bar for a little late night hook up ended up puking all over the place.

Further adding to the cast of idiots is a guy who calls himself "The Situation." Okay...if you can get past the attitude, that he spends far too much time in a tanning bed and the fact that he wears enough hair gel to cause a bigger oil slick than the Exxon Valdez, his abs are fucking amazing. But one needs to have a bit more going on than a rock hard bod. I mean, the second he opens his mouth, it's all over.

Anyway, I could go on. But why bother? The chicks are all whores. And dumb asses. One practically gets naked with her roommate and then runs out of the room because she "doesn't want to cheat on her boyfriend." I don't know YOUR definition of cheating... But if hubby stuck his tongue down some chick's throat, they were rolling around in the sack together and she saw his cock, he's cheating. I wouldn't care if they actually screwed or not...

And the guys are all man-whores. Disgusting, greasy, over tanned, stupid fucking man-whores. They should spend a few less hours in the gym and read a freaking book. Maybe that's too much of a jump. They could start with a newspaper or a magazine or something. Hell, maybe I give them too much credit for being able to read.

I mean, one guy treated having pink eye like he had come down with a severe, life threatening affliction. The rest of them couldn't even pronounce "Purell" if their lives depended on it.

Yeah, you could say I wasn't a fan.