The Public Defender's Tale

I’ve been alternating between 2 briefs since I got to work at 7:30 this morning. One was a total surprise because - silly me - I assumed when I wasn’t asked to work on it, it was under control and not completely forgotten. I haven’t had more than a 30 second break all day and meals so far consisted of a bottle of water and 2 clementines at my desk.

I'm more than a little punchy and can barely keep my eyes open. So, in this totally delirious state, I give you the Public Defender's tale based upon my time at the PD’s office. Yeah, kind of like the Canterbury Tales, but Chaucer I'm not…

We begin the day with a groan and a sigh,
Representing a man who stabbed another in the thigh.
The action was truly justified –
The victim tried to steal some chicken and fries...

Then off to Femia to put through a plea
Everyone wants this judge, you see.
Time served is the sentece imposed on the masses
Femia makes the cops look like such asses.

Oh good a new VOP comes through the door
Violated his parole looking to score
From an ON DUTY cop! what was he thinking?
Could it be he had done too much drinking?

He wasn’t too smart, let me tell you
Robbed a store then hit on the cashier – it’s true!
He left his phone number and asked for a date
Aren’t our clients truly first rate?

Believe it or not we got kicked out of court
I couldn’t help it - we tried not to snort
But the VW Thing was filled full of bongs,
50 POUNDS of pot and multi-colored thongs!

The prosecutor was cocky, too much so
Didn't establish jurisdiction – a big no no
The case was dismissed and the client went free
Only to rob the WaWa by 3

And then there’s the men I didn’t want to face
They claimed that consent was their saving grace
But when you’re 42 and she’s 13
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING – she’s a baby, a juvie, a tween!

The judge and lawyers showed their age
When they didn’t know Everclear was all the rage
It fell to me to explain this mysterious drink
The judge and jury didn’t know what to think

Donuts were fines in juvie land
And t-shirts with logos were firmly banned

Client showed up hammered and smelling something foul
Passed out, snoring loud and then over he fell (yeah...I couldn't think of a rhyme for foul)
The judge freaked and called for medical attention
No pleas for the wasted was his intention

The summer ended with a 2 week trial
The office was so in denial
Our client was going to go down in flames
Hope was one juror who caught onto the games
She knew the vic was lying – like me, she could see
And almost caused a hung jury

The judge was biased – who was he fooling
No objection was made – but he was still ruling!

Justice in action, that’s what we got to see
The 5 little interns of the county’s PD.