I'm tired. My son didn't sleep at all last night, which meant for the second night in a row, neither did I. I'm feeling a little bitter about being at work... Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I love being a lawyer. But for now, let me introduce you to: The Top 5 law school lies
1. Law School Prepares You for the Practice of Law
YEAH RIGHT!
Law school is designed to teach you to think like a lawyer. Three years and a hundred grand just to teach you how to think.
You learn how to read case law. Sometimes this is like learning to read a foreign language. Especially when dealing with mysterious things like the rule against perpetuities or subject matter jurisdiction. You learn to write like a lawyer, which is amazingly difficult for English majors and journalists who steadfastly insist they know how to write and don't need to change for anything.
Law school teaches you general concepts. Best case scenario, you come out knowing how to read, write, think and sound like a lawyer. But when it comes to actually knowing what to do, you're pretty clueless.
2. Law School Prepares You for the Bar Exam
HA! You learn everything you need to know for the bar exam through your 2 month long bar review course. Yes, that's right. Three years of law school crammed down into 2 months and a few grand for the study materials. And that's EVERYTHING you need to know. That overpriced education really comes in handy right away...
3. What You Learn in Law School Translates to Other Professions
I don't know why anyone would spend the time and money going to law school if they don't want to be a lawyer. But what law school REALLY does is ruin you from ever having a normal conversation with anyone. EVER. You look around and find possible liability everywhere. And when it doesn't really seem to exist, believe me, you'll find a problem somewhere.
And forget about trying to talk to non-lawyers when you're in full on lawyer mode. I once had a client -an exceptionally bright, Harvard educated businessman- tell me that I had to dumb things down for him and "stop talking all this legal mumbo-jumbo." Legalese is our language. And why should we explain things in English? Do you expect your doctor to tell you that you have radiating pain down your lower back and the treatment is sticking you with needles? No. His job is to tell you that you have L4-L5 radiculopathy and you need trigger point injections... It's the same thing with lawyers. Let us feel important by using the big confusing words!
4. Law Students are Mature Adults Focused on Learning
Let's face it - going to law school is like reverting back to middle school. Cliques form by the end of the first day of orientation. Rumors fly fast and furious. Did you know that I had 15 children by the end of the first month of law school? Two of these imaginary babies were with my FEMALE roommate. You show up to school once in leather pants and a tight black t-shirt and that entitles everyone to invent your past, present and future... Though I suppose the leather was a bit risque for Concord, NH...
We rip pages out of books in the library so that other students can't find the answers. We team up in study groups only to screw each other over by the end of the semester because someone inevitably feels their outline is the best and why should they share it with the rest of the group?
Maybe the people up in the front of the room are paying attention to the professors. But those of us in the back of the lecture hall have a completely different experience: passing notes, endless IMs, playing games and watching movies on our laptops. I suppose I perfectly lived up to (or down to, depending on your perspective) my dad's reputation at our law school - we were both total degenerates. :)
1. Law School Prepares You for the Practice of Law
YEAH RIGHT!
Law school is designed to teach you to think like a lawyer. Three years and a hundred grand just to teach you how to think.
You learn how to read case law. Sometimes this is like learning to read a foreign language. Especially when dealing with mysterious things like the rule against perpetuities or subject matter jurisdiction. You learn to write like a lawyer, which is amazingly difficult for English majors and journalists who steadfastly insist they know how to write and don't need to change for anything.
Law school teaches you general concepts. Best case scenario, you come out knowing how to read, write, think and sound like a lawyer. But when it comes to actually knowing what to do, you're pretty clueless.
2. Law School Prepares You for the Bar Exam
HA! You learn everything you need to know for the bar exam through your 2 month long bar review course. Yes, that's right. Three years of law school crammed down into 2 months and a few grand for the study materials. And that's EVERYTHING you need to know. That overpriced education really comes in handy right away...
3. What You Learn in Law School Translates to Other Professions
I don't know why anyone would spend the time and money going to law school if they don't want to be a lawyer. But what law school REALLY does is ruin you from ever having a normal conversation with anyone. EVER. You look around and find possible liability everywhere. And when it doesn't really seem to exist, believe me, you'll find a problem somewhere.
And forget about trying to talk to non-lawyers when you're in full on lawyer mode. I once had a client -an exceptionally bright, Harvard educated businessman- tell me that I had to dumb things down for him and "stop talking all this legal mumbo-jumbo." Legalese is our language. And why should we explain things in English? Do you expect your doctor to tell you that you have radiating pain down your lower back and the treatment is sticking you with needles? No. His job is to tell you that you have L4-L5 radiculopathy and you need trigger point injections... It's the same thing with lawyers. Let us feel important by using the big confusing words!
4. Law Students are Mature Adults Focused on Learning
Let's face it - going to law school is like reverting back to middle school. Cliques form by the end of the first day of orientation. Rumors fly fast and furious. Did you know that I had 15 children by the end of the first month of law school? Two of these imaginary babies were with my FEMALE roommate. You show up to school once in leather pants and a tight black t-shirt and that entitles everyone to invent your past, present and future... Though I suppose the leather was a bit risque for Concord, NH...
We rip pages out of books in the library so that other students can't find the answers. We team up in study groups only to screw each other over by the end of the semester because someone inevitably feels their outline is the best and why should they share it with the rest of the group?
Maybe the people up in the front of the room are paying attention to the professors. But those of us in the back of the lecture hall have a completely different experience: passing notes, endless IMs, playing games and watching movies on our laptops. I suppose I perfectly lived up to (or down to, depending on your perspective) my dad's reputation at our law school - we were both total degenerates. :)
5. Learned Professors...the Best of the Best
Okay...I'm generalizing here. Some professors are excellent. But when your torts professor only teaches you to "back up the money truck" and forget about the merits of the case, just go for the deep pocket - what are you really learning? Or how about when your constitutional law prof decides to tell the class more about her trip to walmart at 1 a.m. to buy $500 worth of underwear instead of bothering with silly little things like TEACHING? And is it REALLY going to be on our contract drafting final that our professor has a place in P-town and his last lover got so painfully sunburned all over his body that our poor prof couldn't get laid for a week?
Is it any wonder that law school doesn't prepare you for the bar or the practice of law?
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