Okay... It's Friday. Time to face the facts...
I don't know that we're ready to go to trial. I mean, we could spend another six months getting this thing ready and still not be ready. The case is that big and has that many moving pieces.
I've lost my perspective and have crossed over from stressed to pissed. So, instead of chaining myself to the desk all day, I'm actually taking my lunch. Well...not really lunch. I'm going to the damn gym. I can't wait to get there, have my trainer kick my ass with a punishing workout, which hopefully will include lots of boxing. And even though I'll probably spend the entire time worrying about what is waiting for me back at the office, I'll come back calmer and more focused than I've been all week. And unable to lift my arms without feeling tomorrow's soreness.
The rational part of me knows that I could not possibly have worked any harder, done anything more for my partner. I know that no other associate would have worked as hard as me and accomplished as much as I have in this short amount of time. No one else could have kept this many balls juggling and coordinated something this big.
But the irrational side of me just wants to cry. Because I don't know that my best was good enough. And that gets me even more irrational and pissed off... I didn't work this hard and spend this much time away from my family for it not to be enough.
Either way, it's going to be a LONG weekend. I kissed my son good night last night and I'm not going to be seeing him again until Sunday. Hubby's flying down to Florida to play with his family who get to do something cool involving the space shuttle. Andrew's going to have a great time hanging out with my parents. And I will basically be living at my office.
Come Sunday when I drag my ass out of the office, delirious and bleary eyed, there will be nothing more that I can do. The rest will be in the partner's hands...
Catch you on the other side.
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14 comments:
Something tells me your efforts will be worth it.
Everything will turn out fine. Hard work is usually rewarded fairly! Just beat the punching bag really hard.
Sounds like me a bit in fact.Sorry.
I never could understand the length of time involved on some cases...our "system" is too mired.
But I'll echo what Matty said and hope you can vent at the gym ;)
i hope you enjoy the lunch, sometimes its best to walk away for a bit to regain perspective.
Enjoy the workout. You'll come back to the office energized!
thinking of you....
I find there is almost something cathartic in being so completely prepared that there is nothing more you can do. It's like a release, now you just get to see what happens. I'm sure it will be tremendous. Best.
I'll be thinking of you.... hang in there.
Sending you lots of lucks. You have worked hard!
you sound like you need to get laid... I mean like a good hard core,dirty, nasty, no holds bar, nitty gritty. Forget about all the other shit, release some endorphins and smile for a while=)
xoxo
This makes me feel kinda sad.I hate that you're this worried and stressed out about it. I'll be so happy for you when it's all over!
I'm with blueviolet - reading that you're stressed and pissed makes me sad. Hopefully there's a light at the end of the tunnel!!
I'm responding to this after reading more recent posts, but I just want you to know you rock!
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