missing

I hate people on Facebook who effortlessly post really great stuff as their statuses. I don't care if you just ate the best ham and cheese sandwich of your life at the corner deli or that you just checked in at the Freehold Raceway Mall (unless I happen to be there too and actually want to see you). No, I mean the people who can crack you up with their one liners and make you smile with their posts.

Since I can't compete with people like that (yeah, Brad, I am, in part, referring to you), I don't try. Now that I've de-friended all the partners from my old office, I can start using FB again for its intended purpose...amazing the world with how mind-numbing your status updates can be.

Except when I look for inspiration, instead of something clever, I hear crickets. Kind of like when I'm looking for something to post over here. So, while waiting for my long missing muse to reappear, I've been borrowing quotes from other people to post as my status. If my friends don't like them, I really don't care. They made me smile.

So I stumbled across this one tonight...

"Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish." (The lawyer in me feels compelled to write that John Jakes said that one)

And it really struck me. Earlier this week, I bumped into one of my oldest friends while we were dropping our kids off at daycare. We talked for a few minutes before she gave me a hug and told me how good it was to see me. She didn't just mean that it had been a couple months since we crossed paths, which it was. She told me that I finally seemed almost like myself again.

If I take the time to think about it, she's right.

I can pretend like I don't care anymore about the way my old office fucked me over. If I'm being honest, the truth is, it still stings.

Not every day.

But enough.

Enough that I can remember exactly how it felt the minute I got called into my boss' office and he gave me "the talk." How I felt afterwards, knowing that I could never stay at a place I had never planned to leave. How what those assholes did, and how they did it, stripped me of not only the love I had for my job and my clients, but my confidence. And if I dwell on it too much, I'll probably start crying again, which would really piss me off.

The whole thing has left me stripped pretty raw (as I'm sure you can tell because I don't write like this often). I still don't feel entirely like myself yet. But I'll get there...hopefully soon.