I love a good puzzle.
Ever since I was a little kid, whenever we'd fly anywhere, my mom got me a book of puzzles. Word games. Crosswords. But the logic games were always my favorite. (You know... Tommy is taller than Susie. Susie is wearing a red shirt. Jack is taller than Susie but shorter than Tommy. Put everyone in height order from tallest to shortest and identify what color shirt they're wearing.)
No one likes the LSAT. But one of the sections was logic games. In a sick way, it was fun for me. I bought hundreds of puzzle books and did every game I could put my hands on to prep. I wasn't always the best at solving the puzzles, but I enjoyed trying to wrestle the clues to the ground.
As a lawyer, I love the complex cases. The ones that take days to wrap your head around. The ones where the more you learn, the more convoluted the story becomes. When you solve those puzzles, they are always the most rewarding.
What I don't enjoy, however, is being the puzzle.
Since August, I have been somewhat of a medical mystery. No one can explain why I've been getting lightheaded and dizzy, with no warning and no apparent reason. For awhile, it seemed like we had things figured out.
But I never really believed that the extent of the problem was just that I ate sugar or fruit... Brilliant medical advice from that guy. "Don't eat what doesn't make you feel good." NO KIDDING. And where did you get your medical license "doctor"?
I had been feeling pretty good for a several months, until recently. Now if a day goes by and I'm not feeling lightheaded for at least a few minutes, instead of being grateful, I worry. And I wonder when it'll hit me. What I'll be doing. How long it'll last. How bad it will be.
I'm seeing doctors 7-9 this month and lucky number 10 in June. I try to have a sense of humor about it. I tell doctors I'm their medical mystery of the day and that if they can figure me out, they'll win a special prize.
But today I'm really lacking in the humor department. Today I feel sorry for myself. I feel badly for the toll this has taken on all aspects of my life...my family...my job...everything... Tonight I'll wallow in these feelings.
But only for tonight.
Tomorrow, there will be no room for these thoughts. In the morning, I will be mom, attorney, wife, daughter, friend and editor. No matter how I feel, I'll fill all these roles. Masterfully. Because that's just what I do and who I am.
But for tonight, I'm damn tired of being my own personal riddle.
8 comments:
I used to buy puzzle books filled with just logic puzzles. I think I went through 6 of them at least. Those things are fun. I wonder if I would still have the patience for it.
mmm...i hope that the doctors can determine what it is and what can be done...scary in the not knowing...take strength...
I hope you can get it figured out this month. How scary!
Sounds like they were testing you, initially, for hypo or hyper glycemia? I have hypoglycemia and I just have to eat protein snack 5-6x daily. If that isn't it or doesn't solve the problem then are they checking you for hypo or hyper thyroidism? I could go on and on with the hypo/per stuff. Yeah. Comes with the aging process altho' both of above are typically hereditary. If you think your drs are off the track, find a new one in a specialized field perhaps.
You are certainly allowed to wallow as I believe it makes you stronger. But you can't wallow for long, too long makes you weaker.
I hope the Drs can figure things out for you. Its so hard to feel badly and not have an explaination.
Mystifying . . really hard to diagnose something like that. My daughter had the same problem and it just turned out to be low blood pressure but it took a long time to diagnose. As for puzzles, I'm totally crap at thinking outside the square!
I wouldnt wear that outfit... no place to hide the package... so to speak... ;o)
I hope you learn the source of your medical problems... that can NOT be fun... :o(
~shoes~
Well, damnit all to hell. That sucks. I had no idea you'd been dealing with all that! I hope the docs can help you figure out what's going on. It's never fun trying to figure something like that out!
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