Silly Hallmark Holiday

Yeah, I know. For someone who doesn't like Valentine's Day, I spend way too much time posting about it. But if you have to celebrate this Hallmark holiday, I offer these simple words of advice:

1. Always, ALWAYS reconfirm your hotel reservations.

*HUGE eye roll* Fortunately, the desk clerk took pity on us and found us the one remaining room in the hotel. A terribly romantic spot on the first floor between the world's noisiest ice maker and the supply closet.

It turned out to be a good weekend, but I just about killed him when I thought we'd have to spend Valentine's Day with my bitchy roommate freshman year. (My favorite lurker, you finally made your way into one of my posts - but I bet it still doesn't prompt a comment)

2. Don't make it obvious that you waited until the day of valentines day to go shopping

Really... don't make your Facebook status "I'm still trying to figure out what to do for Valentine's day." Even if it's true - it's not funny.

OH! And don't TELL HER that you went shopping that morning with every other man in the county, all scratching their heads wandering aimlessly between Godiva and Victoria's Secret. If you're going to admit you waited to the last second to do something, no amount of chocolate or lingerie is going to help your cause.

3. That's a good lead in to point 3. Chocolate.

It's easy, simple, usually a hit. But if you know she's dieting, the biggest box of chocolate you can find will go over like a ton of bricks. Expect this response, "Gee...thanks hon. I'll just add these 5 pounds of truffles directly to my already too large ass."

You should also read this as: You dumbass! Do you really think you're going to get laid now?

4. Why do most men try to pick out lingerie for their women for valentine's day? If you don't know her size, DO NOT try to guess. If you go too small, she'll be pissed because you got her something she can't hope to squeeze in to. Then she'll feel bad because she's not that size. If you go too large, well you're just screwed because you thought she actually wore that size.

Yes, we wear it for you. But try to remember, we're the ones who have to sport the stuff. Try to pick something that actually resembles something we might want to wear...

5. This really should go without saying, but since this one is my biggest complaint this year, it goes on the list: don't one up her with your present.

You know... I have limited time on my hands between work and watching our munchkin. But still, because I'm going to be spending V-Day in the car with another man, I wanted to do something special. I went back on my whole "I will never again try to plan a trip for Valentine's Day" thing. I'm also horrible with surprises, so I told hubby exactly what we were going to do. The date. The location - hotel, restaurant, etc. The arrangements for who is watching Andrew. Everything.

Less than a week later, he announces that on the same date I'd made our plans, he was taking me somewhere completely different, further away from home and more expensive.

No matter how he tries to spin this one, he loses:

"I'm sorry...I totally forgot." = Your plans were so bad they weren't worth remembering

"No, no. I love what you planned. Let's do it" = No, no. I really like MY plans better.

"You're so thoughtful" = MORE thought next time girlie! Something I want to do maybe?

*sigh*

Happy effing Valentines Day.