You Never Know What You'll See in the City

I love watching people. And I love making fun of the
idiots I see.  There is no better place to people
watch than the streets of New York City, which is
where I found myself this afternoon.  Mom scored us
tickets to "American Idiot."

Never heard of it?  It's only been out in previews for a
handful of days... It's the new musical based on Green
Day's music... (For the record, it was great if you like
Green Day, but if you have a choice between American
Idiot and Rock of Ages, you MUST go see Rock of Ages)

Anyway, this post is dedicated to the random idiots I
encountered in Penn Station and on the relatively
short walk over to the theater...

First we have the brilliant woman asking for
directions:

"How do I get downstairs?"
"Um. You walk down the stairs."

SERIOUSLY?

Then enter the guy trying to find his train who probably
had no idea how loud he was when making this announcement:

"Damn!  I just want a blow job."

Honey, I'm sorry for the state of your love life.
Hell, some days I'm sorry for the state of my own.
But did you have to proclaim your overly horny state
to the whole of penn station. Were you hoping that it
would HELP your situation? That some chick would hear your
pleas and take you to the closest bathroom stall?  Like
that'll ever happen.  Perhaps you just underestimated the
echo and didn't mean for us all to overhear. Maybe next
time you should keep your...voice...down.

Outside we ran into this bit of brilliance:

"Oh! Are you cold?  You're shaking!"

Hmm... Thank you captain obvious. Your friend obviously
did not dress for walking around in the city. Maybe
no one told her that despite the 70 degree weather on
Monday, it's now 35 degrees.  But seeing as you are
dressed as nanook of the north, perhaps you could shed
one of your 50 layers and give it to her.


"Like OMG!  My feet just touched water!"

Yes, dumb ass.  That's what happens when you step right off
the curb into a massive puddle of...well, best to tell
yourself it's water. You never know what you're going to
find pooled up on these streets.  And does anyone actually
say "OMG"? Isn't that just reserved for text messages?

Once we got to the show...

"Last night, I jerked off into oblivion."

Best opening line of a show ever!  (But if this offends
you, American Idiot is probably not the show for you...)


I've said it a million times. I don't get fashion.  But I
am a woman who possesses a great deal of common sense.  I
know when things look good and I know when you look like
an ass... Examples:

Yellow leggings are not a good look for anyone!  They make
your damn legs look like big bird's!  And if you have an
ounce of fat on your thighs, please skip the leggings
altogether.

A baby is not clothing.  I get the baby in the sling
across your chest.  I've been there for the 30 seconds
Andrew tolerated being encased in the sling... But you also
need some actual clothing covering your chest.  Baby
is not an accessory nor is he a shirt.

Ripped stockings? If your hose is torn, TOSS it!  If
it has lost its elasticity so it won't stay up, it's
also time to TOSS it.  Hose is cheap.  And if you really
can't afford it, I'll give you a 20 to pick up some well
fitting casings for those sausages you call calves.  Oh,
and knee highs do not work when you wear a skirt
slit up above the knee.  Perhaps some thigh highs would
work better for you?

And then there was the woman who thought that pushing
a baby stroller through the streets constituted an
"EMERGENCY!" which meant she got to run the rest of
us over.

Perhaps my favorite was the homeless man with the
sign "WHY LIE! I NEED A BEER!"  Yeah... I give him points
and a few bucks for his honesty.

I love the strange creatures you find on the City streets...