Some of the Stupidest Things I've Seen and Heard in the Courtroom
Attorney: Judge, I have to win this motion!
Judge: Give me one good reason why I should rule in your favor.
Attorney: I really, really, really want to go back to my office and tell them I won my first case.
Attorney: Your Honor, my client is an idiot, but you can't hold that against him.
Judge: That's exactly what I'm going to do counsel. Did they really teach you that stupidity was a defense in law school?
Sheriff: That woman, the one holding hands with your client, isn't that the one who took out the restraining order against him?
Attorney: Yeah. She tried to revoke the restraining order this morning before court, but she forgot her license and she's strung out on heroin so they wouldn't let her.
Sheriff: Well, in that case...
(Sheriff proceeds to slap handcuffs on the client and read him his rights)
Attorney: WAIT! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! IT'S MY SECOND DAY! I CAN'T GO BACK TO THE OFFICE AND TELL THEM YOU ARRESTED MY CLIENT! OH CRAP! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!
Judge: A golf cart is the same as a car? You're joking, right? Do you seriously think that's what the law says?
Attorney: Yeah... this isn't my argument judge. My partner made it. I don't necessarily agree with him.
Attorney: For the record judge, Webster's dictionary defines a mosh pit as a place where one goes to mosh.
Judge: Gee, counsel, that was a really helpful definition. Do I look so old that I need "mosh pit" defined for me?
Attorney: Oh, no Judge. You're not old at all. You're quite...
Judge: Let me stop you there before you get yourself into any more trouble. Not. One. More. Word.
Attorney: So they were taking Jello shots. Judge, do you know what that is?
Judge (rolling eyes): No clue. I've never heard of Jello.
Judge: Do you think I'm an idiot?
Attorney: Well...I wouldn't say you're an idiot, Judge...
Prosecutor: HEY! This isn't fair! I missed figure staking on the Olympics last night because i was prepping for this case. There better be a good excuse why the defendant couldn't be bothered to show up!
Judge: Why isn't your client here? Didn't you notify him of the trial date?
Me: We tried judge. We sent a letter to every address we have on file. But he's homeless, Your Honor.
Judge: That's no excuse. Call him and get him here now!
Me: Um... Homeless, Judge. No phone. How would you like me to reach him?
Judge: Oh. Yeah. I don't know.
Prosecutor trying to establish jurisdiction in a sexual assault case: And where did this crime occur?
Victim: Are you an idiot? Where did the crime occur? It happened RIGHT HERE! (pointing with both hands to her crotch)
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5 comments:
LOVE these bloopers!
I enjoyed the one I read that went something along the lines of:
Attorney: I take it that before this accident happened you lived with your brother-in-law and sister for about six months?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You got to know him quite well?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: You saw him ainteract with you sister, and I believe that they had one child?
Witness: I didn't see the actual interaction, but they did have one child.
I'm crying here. Got to love the law.
I tried to keep these to things I've actually witnessed... but my favorite is probably this one:
Attorney: Well, did check his pulse?
Doctor: No
Attorney: Did you check to see if he was breathing?
Doctor: No
Attorney: Did you do any tests to confirm whether he was still alive?
Doctor: No
Attorney: Well, why not "doctor"?
Doctor: Because the man's brain was in a jar on my desk. Did you really go to law school?
Hilarious! I thought the point of going to school to get a degree was so that you don't sound stupid like these people! Guess I was mistaken!
Ms. S: we all have our moments.
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