because rach has to have words on wednesday

Rach (my very bored friend from college) gave me a major guilt-trip last week about how she HATES Wednesdays because my posts have no words. So in her honor, here's a little bar crawl through our college stomping ground. Don't forget to grab a beer at each stop...

The Vous...legendary and absolutely disgusting. I loved it. Before going to Maryland, everyone would warn you to get some Vous shoes. You had to have Vous shoes so the Vous goo wouldn't ruin your good shoes.

I had the last bid night there....absolute insanity! I vaguely remember dancing on the bar (it was a very Coyote Ugly-like moment), being kissed by pledges of half the fraternities on campus and spending the night absolutely drenched from pitchers of beer being dumped repeatedly over my head. I wasn't really sure how I felt about pledging under Marj tore this TEP pledge with wicked bad breath off me and threatened to kill him for kissing me. I professed my undying love for Marj and the house that very moment.

So where did you go if you were underage once the Vous closed? Terp Station. Where else could you listen to a band named "Green Eggs and Spam," get drunk for under a dime on Drinkin with Lincoln nights (even I'd drink beer when it only cost a penny) and always get in, no matter how bad your ID was. Of course, when the bouncers made your fake, they couldn't really say it didn't look like a real New York ID.

Cornerstone. I miss hearing Ted Garber play there. I miss big ass draft nights while watching the wrestling on pay per view. I spent my 21 and 22 birthdays there. I don't remember much of either night, except that I practically had to be carried home both nights and that Stop Lights are evil! E-V-I-L! And then there was the night of the 3 Jaimes. We all arrived at the same time, each with a different one of my IDs. I think the poor girls of Zeta are still using those crappy IDs. I wish I still had them so I could show you how bad they really were.

This is Bentley's. I literally went there twice. One night this girl was in the bathroom ranting about how her boyfriend was out with his boys at some restaurant called "Night Shift" instead of being out with her. We hesitated for 30 seconds and then broke the news that Night Shift was a titty bar. She had to know. I mean COME ON. You can't be at Maryland for more than 30 seconds and NOT know that. Apparently she really didn't... You could hear her wailing all the way out on the street. (A year later at law school, I convinced a bunch of people that I was paying my way through law school based on the tips I got working at Night Shift... People are SO freaking gullible sometimes)

And that brings us to the Fe. Since this isn't my porn post (seriously guys, I know you want it. but you'll have to wait), the Fe story I'll actually share is from the week of graduation. It was the last dollar bud night. Most of the usual group bailed and so it was just the two of us. We were at the bar talking when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. My roommate from freshman year. What a bitch.

As soon as I turned to her, she let loose on me screaming that I ruined her freshman year, that she hated me, and I was basically the spawn of all that is evil. People at the bar started rooting for us to fight. I never wanted to hit someone so badly in my life. But instead I laughed and asked her if she was done. That set her off even more and she started on another tear, this time aimed at convincing my friend that I was a nasty, bitchy slut (which we already knew because I may have...on occasion...been exactly that in those days).

I should have let her hit me. I would have loved for her to get carried off in handcuffs. But she got dragged away screaming before any blood was shed and I got lots of free beers that night. The end... Oh, what?

Would you have preferred the story about the time we got bored and spent the evening pretending that we were going to take this guy back to the house for a threesome?

Or did you not like the ending of that story? You hornballs want to hear about how the evening ended with amazing, mind blowing sex?

You'll just have to imagine those stories...for now.