Frustrated in Flushing

I wrote this on Sunday from my treo at various points during the day. And for once, I'm not censoring myself. Since it reads pretty random, I decided to use it today for my Random Tuesday Thoughts. For more randomness, visit The UnMom.

I hate riding the subway around New York by myself. I don't know why. I rode the Metro around DC for 4 years...The T around Boston for 3 years...I even navigated London's underground. I just HATE the subway...

I only do this for Alex. If Ric holds the place in my heart as my "what if," Alex ranks right up there as someone I'll always wonder about. Granted, it never would have worked between us. We had our shot and blew it. He was shy and I had yet to recognize that totally brazen side of myself... I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had just taken what I wanted that day. I'm wondering that now as I make the trip into New York, imagining the feel of his soft lips against mine. I can't keep the thoughts out of my head, and for that, I blame the trashy romance novel in my lap, rather than our brief bit of history together.

So here I am headed out to Shea - oops! I mean Citi? Utopia? Bailout Field? whatever you call the place. I followed the Mets jerseys through Penn Station so I didn't get lost along the way. That's the last thing I need. To get lost somewhere in NY on the freaking subway and have to make a frantic call to Alex to come rescue me.

I love baseball. It's a beautiful day for a game. I still can't believe he's taking a Yankee fan to his first game at Citi. He should have his season tix revoked for this one.

I wonder if Ric will be there too. I miss him. His intense eyes. The cocky grin reserved just for me. The absolutely amazing way he would... oh this is bad. okay. I need to think about something else. NOW.

Flushing? Seriously, why would you put a baseball team in a town called Flushing? Did they not consider all the freaking jokes that would result just from the location of the team? I mean, it's like parents who don't consider the implications of naming their child "Crystal Ware."

Why is it 10 degrees colder outside this freaking stadium than anywhere else in the entire tri-state area?!?! It was supposed to be warm today. And now I'm faced with either freezing to death or (shudder) buy a damn Mets sweatshirt for 100 bucks. I'd rather freeze!

Ooh...this is going to kill me. Someone needs to volunteer to keep me warm.

The game was okay. The Mets lost (haha) but I couldn't cheer too loudly against them. They threatened to throw me overboard if I rooted too much for the Brewers. Since I was literally in the last row of the upper deck, I decided to take this threat seriously.

Things were weird though. I can't describe it any other way. Because he's on again with his gf? Because the last time we were together he perceived us getting too close to crossing some imaginary line? I don't know. But for the first time, it was awkward and we were awkward together. First and foremost, regardless of any other feelings that may have existed at one time, Alex has always been a friend. One who has always greeted me warmly with a kiss and felt totally at ease with his hand in mine or his arm draped casually around my shoulders. Every time we see each other. For over 10 years. Except today.

I didn't lost on the subway. A major accomplishment given my lack of any sense of direction. I am a little concerned about the guy facing me. he's passed out and looking like he's going to flop over on me. Or puke. I will NOT be happy if either happens

So the mets lost and the yanks won...finally...Not a bad day at the ballpark.